He Must Increase, I Must Decrease
[a new piece i’m working on]
He must increase
and i must decrease
‘cause otherwise soon i’ll be running on empty
He must increase
and i must decrease
let the old man die
let Life live in me.
January 30, 2012
1 note
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
[It’s been a long time since i posted anything on here, but this popped up in my itunes today so I thought i’d share. Just a raw jam session recording from like 5 years ago.]
Lost and Found (aka Stop Looking)
Seems like everyone’s searching for love/
but that is not enough/
We are searching all around
here and there, in the lost and found.
we are lost and found/
if we just opened up our eyes/
we might realize that love is not blind/
stop looking he has found you/
He doesn’t need you, but still He wants you.
October 3, 2011
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January 25, 2011
1 note
It’s the 2nd anniversary of my Lola’s death.
Last night i needed some catharsis, so i decided to record the poem i wrote for/about her.
This is the first time i have “performed” it in its entirety. i performed it once for an open mic here in Oregon, but it was still a work in progress.
For the complete text: She’s Walking Me Home.
What I want (revisited)
So, I wrote that other “What I want” song a long, long time ago.
Then, in 2008, Eddy and I put a new song together that was based off of the older song:
I feel like I’m driving
without a place to go
And I hope that I can find the way
Finally insanity has taken it’s toll
on me
and I hope that I
can find some change
/
what I want is to
just keep wanting you
rather than
the things that I
keep holding on to
/
what i need is to
just keep loving you
and tell the world
what it provides
just won’t do
/
sometimes I wish my life
had a different story
or that somehow I could fastforward to the end
But I know that you
will return in glory
and I will carry my cross
strongly until then.
/
What I want
is you, Lord
What I need
is you, Lord
take everything I have
take everything I am
I place it all,
everything,
I place it in your hands
What I want.
I wrote this song a long time ago when I was trying to figure out what I needed to do with my life:
Lord, I just want to follow your plan
and I know
that I can
The only thing that I fear
is holding on
to my own will.
What I want is to
Just keep wanting you
rather than the things that I keep holding on to
what I want is to
just keep loving you
and tell the world what it provides just will not do.
Only I
The love that destroyed death, has given me new life
Who can kill it? Only I, Only I.
The difference.
I’ve been working on this one for awhile. Let’s call this an observational poem. Not about any particular situation, but situations I see people get into far too often.
The voice isn’t meant to be some perfect guy either, btw.
He has his faults as well.
Enjoy.
You’re right. I don’t like him.
But I don’t have to.
That’s not something even God asks me to do.
And you’re right, we are very different
The difference is: I love you, and he’s just in -
“love” that is, or relationship.
/
And, there’s such a great difference between him and me.
Allow me to try and explain poetically.
He wants you to be his valentine,
I just want you to become a saint.
He thinks being with you is paradise.
I pray that we’ll both find it some day.
He says he completes you & you complete him,
I say there has never been anything missing -
not from you, not from me.
See,
he says “I want you to be my queen.”
I say “I want you to love the King.”
He tells you how you make him feel, but we all know feelings change with the wind.
And although being with you might feel heavenly,
I want you to love God more than you love me.
/
You’re right, we are very different
The difference is I love you, and he’s just in -
“love” that is, or relationship.
/
I realize that you may never be mine,
But he believes that you’re his.
You are not.
Your heart belongs to someone else.
I can handle that.
He, on the other hand,
Well……
I know I can’t keep you, if you aren’t meant for me.
And just ‘cause I feel this way, doesn’t mean we’re meant to be.
And you’re right, part of me is jealous of what he has.
And part of me wishes I had what he had.
But we don’t always get what we want,
God takes that from us to give us what we need.
And if loving you has taught me anything,
Love is always worth the suffering.
/
And you’re right, we are very different
The difference is: I love you, and he’s just in -
“love” that is, or relationship -
And the difference could be summed up like this
He wants to hold your hand,
I want to put you in His.
Today, I was looking through a bunch of my old things trying to find somebody’s address, and I came across this airline cocktail napkin that I jotted down some song lyrics on.
It has to be like 2 years old+.
I must say, I do enjoy writing on napkins, and finding random things you wrote.
The words are:
I need some change/
Lookin’ forward to a better day/
And I’m not lookin’ for an easy way out/
That’s not the kinda change that I’m talkin’ about/
I want the change that hurts deep down/
‘Cause that’s the only kind/
That fights off time/
I want the change that hurts deep down/
No cross, no crown.
Do great things?
Wrote this while on retreat. Inspired by an experience I had over Christmas break, and a few other experiences I’ve had in the past. I fear that it comes off as condescending. I hope not. Comments welcomed.
And then I heard her say:
“What a shame,
I always thought he’d do great things some day.”
Wait.
Who?
me?
No. she couldn’t possibly
be talking about me?
me?
the future priest?
do great things?
nah, not me.
I mean,
what great things would she have had me do?
possibly, create some brand new
invention
that could change the world
some grand new
thing
that every boy and girl can’t live without
would this be one of those great things she speaks about?
or maybe she would have me
work real hard, and get a good job
and climb the corporate ladder, each rung next after next
obsessed with success,
24/7
that’d be great
until I recall what Christ said about the rich man and heaven.
And i’m not trying to knock anyone who’s life situation is similar to what i mentioned
I’m just saying that their way is just not my way.
Their career is not my career, and judging them’s not my job.
They may in fact be good with God.
Maybe even more so than I.
But me? Do great things? No, not I
“Small things… Great love”
- Mama T
To cite someone who both lived and loved greatly.
And this is my small thing.
My vocation. My life.
Take it God, I choose all that you choose.
Use up all of me until there’s nothing left to use.
Because after all, who am I to say “No.”
You took dust, breathed into it and said “Go.”
Yea, I’m not going to fight that.
‘Cause no matter how much I fight back
God is irresistible.
And His paths inexplicable.
Like what’s he need with some nerdy kid from the suburbs who will probably make pokemon and boy band references in his homilies.
Seriously.
He once had a crush on Shannon Doherty, and he’ll probably spend his days off writing amateur poetry.
What great things could God possibly do with that?
Well with consecrated hands, I could stand in persona Christi,
in the person of the great I am, the God made man.
I could offer great praise to God the father,
Sacrifice the Lamb on unbloody altars.
Cast out demons, heal the sick,
forgive sins, that’s just part of it.
Just the start of it.
Allow me to get to the heart of it.
His heart. Christ’s.
Because there is nothing great that I could do.
Only God, I’m just allowing myself to be used.
So,
am I destined for greatness?
No,
but in this I have confidence:
the one who began a good work in me
will continue it completely
until that glorious day.
When the King returns, and that my friends,
that, will be great.
Do great things? No not I,
Only my Lord, Jesus the Christ.
November 12, 2010
1 note
Above the clouds.
This was the view from the hilltop this morning… beautiful.
Inspired me to write a poem. Here goes:
Calmly I sit above the clouds,
and wonder where my wings will take me.
Like the third temptation,
it all lies before me.
But with waxy wings,
though i wish the world,
I know i need it not;
leaving landscape behind,
i soar in self through insight, inscape.
it is there where wings catch wind and the dove does descend.
and every breath begins where expiration ends.
